Deciding to Go to Indonesia

8 11 2008

Our decision to leave America for Indonesia was made with prayer and consideration.  Of course our children were a big factor in that decision, but ultimately we did what we perceived God calling us to.

The response from others was varied.  Those who knew us well were generally supportve although also sorry to see us go.  Sometimes the responses were bewildering if well-intentionied.  I recall one older woman asking us, after she heard we would be going to Indonesia, “Will you be taking your children with you?”

“No,” I thought, “they are about six and four.  They will be just fine on their own.”  But out loud I smiled and said, “Oh yes, we will take them.”

The  general consensus among family, I think, was that the children were going to suffer.  They would be deprived of all that is familiar and be thrust into a strange world.  We tried to dispel those ideas as best we could, but with our limited knowledge of the country were unable to really quell their fears.  And besides, for the most part they were right.  It was just that Timberley and I were not convinced that “all that is familiar”–when talking about American youth culture–was such a bad thing to be deprived of.

Of course there were larger issues than just the children’s education and social well-being.  The world at the time was in the midst of being overturned by Islamic terrorism.  This was after the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, but before the US invaded Iraq.  The people of the United Staes were angry, frustrated, zealous, but at the same time confused because of a real lack of knowledge about this mysterious enemy.

One evening as we were packing some things at our house to prepare to leave, my father expressed his own misgivings.  “Todd, I understand about wanting to move overseas, but I don’t understand why you have to go someplace where they hate Americans.”

My father is not a bigot, but of anyone I know, he has good reason to harbor resentment towards Asians.  When he was just ten years old he received the news that his father had been killed by a Japanese surprise attack at Pearl Harbor.  My grandfather, along with over a thousand others on board the battleship Arizona, died that morning on December 7, 1941.  My father has never talked much about that time.  He doesn’t talk much about his response at hearing the news.  I guess now that I have seen my own eleven-year-old son deal with the loss of his sister, I can better understand why my father does not talk much about it.

The surprise for me came when my father went to Japan.  He was nearing the end of a long career working for American Airlines.  The company had recently opened up a route to Tokyo and they needed a ground mechanic to work in Tokyo to coordinate with the Japanese workers there.  My father volunteered and for more than six months he lived in Tokyo with my mother taking several trips over to see him.  Later on, as he reflected on different assignments he had taken, he told me that his time in Japan was among his favorites.  I remember asking him if being with the Japanese was difficult in light of the history with his father.  He seemed honestly surprised by the question.  I don’t think he had ever considered it.  He really loved Japan and the Japanese people.

When my father asked me why we had to go someplace where they hate Americans I answered that we had to go where we felt God leading us.  But I knew that with my father things were far from settled.

About six months later we were in Indonesia doing language study in the town of Salatiga in Central Java.  We had some neighbors next door who had been very helpful to us.  They had a son named Adi who was a student at the local university.  One morning the two of us went out jogging.  It made me feel good to run with Adi because, although I rarely exercise, I could still run faster than him.  I think the fact that he smokes far too much than is healthy for him does not help.

But on this particular morning as we were walking and jogging along our street Adi asked me, “Mr. Todd, why do Americans hate us so much?”

I laughed at his question, which confused Adi and caused a bit of a cultural embarrassment for him, but then I said, “Adi, before I left for Indoneisa my father asked me why I had to come to a place where they hate Americans.”

Adi looked crestfallen and confused.  “But we don’t hate you, Mr. Todd.  We like you.”

“And we like you, too.  It’s just that most Americans dont’ know very much about Indonesia, just like many Indonesians never get to meet an American.  Each one thinks the other hates him, but really we just don’t know each other.”

But as we were packing up our house, going to meetings and orientation, and getting over a dozen inoculations to fight illnesses I had never head of, our families were worried about us going.  It did not help things that we had tickets to fly on March 23, 2003.  On March 22 the US invaded Iraq and drew even more hatred from the Islamic world, including Indonesia.

The news of the invasion of Iraq on the day of our departure brought phone calls from worried family members across the country.  We tried to be as reassuring as we could be wth our limited knowledge.  We finally made a phone call to our contact in Jakarta who was going to be receiving us there.  He assured us that things were fine and to come on.

“There is rioting in the main part of the city,” he said, “but as of this time the main roads leading from the airport are still clear.  As long as we can get you out of the airport then you will be fine.”

Those were not the most reassuring words at the time.  Later after we arrived in Jakarta we had lunch with the man’s wife.  She said, “I told him not to let you come.  It’s not a good time right now.  He just looked at me and said, ‘There’s never a good time to come to Indonesia.'”





Is Everything Finished for Anna? Not Yet!

7 11 2008

I have been teaching from the Psalms on Wednesday evenings in our church.  This past Wednesday was the third week and next week will be the last.  It has been a very rewarding experience for me and I hope it has been helpful for the church.  It has been helpful for me because of the content, of course, but perhaps more so because it is the first opportunity I have had to do some teaching since Anna’s death.  It has helped me to get back to what I do best, and to help to see some things apart from Anna.

This past Wednesday I discussed the topic of life, death, and resurrection in the Psalms.  The topic was chosen by me mainly as a platform to speak on some issues I had been reading about.  I was not sure what I would find in the Psalms about it, but I thought that I could at least use it as a starting point for seeing what is in the rest of the Bible.  In the end I was pleasantly surprised by what I found there and we had a good time with the subject.

In concluding my teaching I mentioned a misunderstanding I had at the time of Anna’s death about the resurrection.   I shared a story of an incident that happened shortly after her death.  When I arrived home after Anna died, her body was in our front room and I had a few moments alone with her.  As I sat with her I prayed that God would raise her from the dead, just as Jesus raised the little girl in the Gospel story.  As I prayed I heard what seemed to be a clear answer, saying, “I have already raised her.  I have already answered your prayer.”  I was filled with a tremendous peace at that moment.  I knew that Anna was taken care of.  I thought of her as being with the Lord, but more than that, I pictured in my mind that everything was finished for her.  We even spoke of physical infirmities that Anna had here on earth that were already healed in her new body.  She was with the Lord, and all was right. 

While these thoughts brought me some comfort, I was aware that there was a major problem with my thinking.  The resurrection has not occurred yet.  It will not happen until Jesus comes again.

At first, I had a nagging feeling that the way I was thinking about Anna, that is, thinking that she was already enjoying heaven in her new body, was not right. But  I knew of no alternative as a framework in which to think of her.  A book that was sent to me by a friend really helped me to understand where the flaw in my thinking lay.

By thinking that Anna was already enjoying her newly resurrected body, I had pressed a future event–the resurrection–into a present setting.  I think I had always unconsciously thought and spoken of the dead in this way.  And yet the Bible is so clear.  The dead will be raised anew at the appearing of the Lord Jesus.  It is so clear and repeated so often in the Bible.

At first I was uncomfortable with the thought.  Questions filled my mind.  Where is she now?  What will happen to her earthly body, which was burned up?  I was forced into thinking about some issues regarding life after death that I for so long had pushed to the background of my faith.  These questions I had always thought of as unanswerable and did not want to do the heavy lifting needed to really explore them.

The real discomfort, however, came because I wanted so much to think of Anna enjoying all the fruits of her rewards.  I wanted her to have her new resurrected body.  I wanted to imagine her dancing before the Lord.  But if her body was not yet raised, then where does that leave her?

My despair at this point was countered by another thought.  I realized that Anna was still waiting for the return of her Lord Jesus Christ.  She is waiting just as much as I am now.  I remembered a discussion that Anna and Samuel had one day not long before she died.  One of them, probably Anna, said that she so much wanted Jesus to return before she died so that she would not have to see death.  Samuel replied that if one of them died first, then that one would get to see Jesus first since it says in the New Testament that the dead will be raised first and be caught up with Him in the air at the time of the his second coming.  Those still alive would have to wait until after that first meeting takes place before they meet the Lord.  The children debated which would be better.  To remain alive or to die but be the first to see Christ at his second coming.  What a precious conversation to hear!

Now Anna has died.  But she is still waiting for Jesus to come when her body will be raised anew and she will be caught up with Him in the air.  I know that she is anxiously awaiting that day!  And I am filled with a great deal of excitement, even in the midst of my grief, knowing that Anna and I are still living part of a great adventure as we both await the coming of our Lord.  Anna and I can say together, “Maranatha!  Come, Lord Jesus.”





My Journal from May 11.

7 11 2008

Below is my first journal entry after the death of Anna.  I wrote it during our flight back to America.  In it I describe some of the situation on the day Anna died.  THERE ARE SOME GRAPHIC NOTES ABOUT HER INJURIES.  Parents may want to read it first before letting their young children read.

Read the rest of this entry »





Some Random Thoughts Before a Big Day, and Crying in the Kitchen

6 11 2008

Today is November 6.  Tomorrow it will be six months since Anna died from her bicycle accident.  Tomorrow I will post my first journal entry that I wrote after the accident.  I have been hesitant to post it up to now.  I wasn’t sure if it was necessary, but on reflection I think it might be helpful for those of you who do not know some of the details surrounding her death.  Please read it if you would like.  Feel free to pass it up if you do not care to know about it.  No problem here.

I am also preparing a longer post discussing some issues related to the resurrection of believers.  I originally planned to include it in this post, but because it began to grow long I thought it deserved its own post.  I will try to have that ready for you tomorrow as well.

Yesterday was a particularly difficult day.  The really hard days seem to be getting less common.  When they come, however, they come with a vengeance.  Immediately after Anna’s death we were told that grief comes like waves over you.  No.  I have spent a good deal of time in the ocean.  I like waves.  They lift you up and set you down.  You can play in them.  If you are not careful they can sometimes be dangerous.  No.  The grief has stopped coming like waves.  When it comes now it is more a punch to the stomach.  There is an almost physical pain inside that does not go away.

Anyway, yesterday morning Timberley found me in the kitchen pretty messed up.  I was still functioning, getting coffee, making breakfast, whatever it was, but let me just say that everything was pretty wet.  I have no idea what spurred this, but in the middle of whatever it was I was doing, I had a sudden and extremely clear memory of Timberley’s phone call to me when she called to say that Anna was dead.  I could hear every word on the other end, but more than that I could hear the screams of anguish coming over the phone.  I could hear every sob in her voice as she screamed out those words to me.  For just a moment in the kitchen I was transported back to my car in Central Java where I was when I received the phone call.

I am getting better now at controlling my thoughts, especially when I am in public, so that I can choose the times when I mourn and when I cry.  That didn’t happen yesterday.  If this one was a wave it was like a tsunami.  All I could do was hang on for the ride.   But hang on I did.  And soon the tsunami passed.  Life moves on.  But then, it doesn’t.  Maybe they were right when they said that grief comes like a wave.  It just happens to be a really nasty wave.

“The ache I feel inside is where the light has left your eyes.  I’m alone for our last goodbye, but you’re free.”





Getting Papa Thrown in Jail, The Little Girl in Louisville, part 5

3 11 2008

I reminded my parents of the following story.  A few of the details were not exactly right, but they said it was pretty close to the way it was.  Apparently my dad was not quite so brusque with the policeman at the end of the story as I portray him, but my parents liked it well enough the way I put it.  My mom reminded me of the incident at my brother’s house in Chicago when they were en route to San Francisco.  I added that event here. Read the rest of this entry »





The Mouse That Roared, The Little Girl in Louisville, part 4

31 10 2008

In dealing with Anna’s aversion to clothing tags we also discovered another talent—the ear-spitting scream.  A friend related a story to us about baby-sitting Anna.

We looked after Anna and Samuel one evening while you two grown-ups had some time together, and I was afraid that she would be miserable with us.  But she was just a little sweetheart and talked and talked to me while my husband and Samuel investigated bugs, etc.  I thought we had really bonded, and she would probably adopt me as her new grandmother—until I tried to brush her teeth.  I put the toothbrush in her mouth, and she began the most ear-splitting scream I had ever heard.  I thought I had shoved the toothbrush down her throat or at least knocked out a couple of teeth!  But when I removed the toothbrush and toothpaste, the lovely little angelic smile instantly reappeared.  I remember staring at that precious face and wondering how that dreadful sound came from it.

The children’s minister at our church tells this story of Anna at church.

On one Wednesday evening Anna was not happy and she threw a temper tantrum. A very loud temper tantrum. So loud that people in the hallway asked “Who is that?” I answered “Anna Borger.” Each person then said “Oh Anna must not be feeling well. She never acts like that!” I remembered thinking either Anna is coming down with a fever or she has discovered the power of her voice! As it turned out, she wasn’t ill. She was just experiencing the normal three year old realization that when you don’t get your way there is a chance you can get your way if you are loud enough! The good thing is that Anna did learn the power of her voice. The amazing power of a voice committed to the Lord.

 





Anna’s Red Shoes: The Little Girl in Louisville, Part 2

28 10 2008

When Anna was a baby we did not have very much money, and we depended often on the goodwill of others to give us clothes for our children.  We had the good fortune to have some relatives and close friends who had older children and who had very good taste in clothes.  So we always had nice clothes for our children.  We tried to pass on the clothing to others when our children outgrew them and today there are Indonesian children running around Salatiga and Semarang who are the beneficiaries of the generosity of our family and friends.  In fact, as Samuel got bigger, his clothes got passed on to some adults, too.

On one occasion in Louisville when the children were young there was a lot of clothing that had been given by someone at our church.  Mixed in the clothing were some costume items.  Anna found a pair of red, sparkly shoes that fit her perfectly.  She brought them home and Anna’s red shoes became the only ones she would wear for some time until she outgrew them.  I remember hearing from her Sunday School teacher the first week that Anna came to church with her red shoes on.  She was so proud of her new shoes and wanted everyone to see them.  Soon everyone knew Anna as the girl with the red shoes.  An artist friend of ours at church later wrote and illustrated a book about each of our children and Anna’s book was called Anna and Her Red Shoes.

The red shoes marked the beginning of Anna’s life-long fascination with wearing costumes and playing “dress-up”.  As she grew older the dress-up always tended towards playing the elegant woman.  Sometimes she would be a queen or a princess, but the overarching theme was that of sophistication, poise, and elegance.

On our last Christmas together we came to the United States and spent the holiday with my family in California.  One day Timberley and Anna got together with my mother and planned a tea party.  They all found hats and scarves and sat on the back porch drinking tea and eating snacks.  The men were not allowed to attend so we went and did other things together, but I can just picture Anna, Timberley, and my mother sitting on the back porch, in very cold weather, drinking their tea and chatting all the while in a very distinct British accent.  This was Anna in her world.  One of the most beautiful pictures we have of Anna was taken that day.  She wore a big feather boa she borrowed from my mother and a ridiculous orange hat.  And she is absolutely stunning beneath it all.





Anna’s Book

19 10 2008

I have added links on the top of this page so you can read Anna’s book or take a look at the drawings she made for the book.  Enjoy.





Out of Town a Few Days

14 10 2008

We are with Timberley’s mother for a few days on the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  I will update more later this week.





The Bible as the Word of God, or, What Should We Read to the Children for Devotion?

9 10 2008

Timberley and I have always tucked in our children at night.  The shape of that routine has taken various forms over the years, but as the children grew older we developed a fairly stable routine.  After cleaning up from dinner we might gather for reading a book aloud as a family or a game of some sort.  Around 7:30 we had our devotion time that included Bible reading and family prayer.

 

Several years ago the children made a request for our Bible reading.  I think Samuel initiated it, but Anna was right behind him.  Samuel came to me and said, “Daddy, I think we ought to change the way we read the Bible for devotion time.”

 

“What should we do?” I answered.

 

“Well, when we have our devotion now we read little pieces from all over the Bible.  But if what you say is true, that the Bible is the word of God, then we should start at the beginning and read through the whole book.”

 

I could not argue with his logic, but was a little unsure how it would work out.  I agreed.  That night at bedtime I read the first chapter of Genesis to them.  They sat with wide eyes and took it all in as if it were a fairy tale.  I promised that the next night I would read chapter two.

 

The next three nights we read about the creation of man in chapter two, the first sin in chapter three, and the first murder in chapter four.  When I finished reading chapter four to the children I told them that the next night I would tell them the story of Noah and the ark in chapter six, since chapter five was simply a genealogy and it might be pretty boring for devotion.  Both children bolted upright.  “No, no!  You have to read chapter five.  You have to read all of it.”

 

“But it’s just a list of names and how long each person lived.  Don’t you want to hear about Noah’s ark?”

 

“But Dad,” Samuel interjected, “Isn’t all of it God’s Word?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then we need to read chapter five.”

 

I can still remember their faces the next night as the children lay in their beds and I read from Genesis five.  They were not listening excitedly, as if I were reading a children’s story, but there was a seriousness to the night’s devotion.  When I was done I prayed with the kids.  I kissed them good night.  Samuel simply said, “Thank you, Dad,” and turned over to go to sleep.